What women seem to think men want

I've exposed myself to Internet dating on and off for around... I don't know... 6 years maybe... and there are a few things that really does not make me want to contact a woman. And by a few I mean a lot. So I thought that instead of whining about it in my dating profile(I have done so in the past a few times with something around zero women throwing themselves at me as a direct result) I thought I would not do that and instead whine about it here. Because here nobody actually reads it and thus does not get offended. Yada yada, Puck something something mended.

A quick tip to the men: pointing out any of the things I mention here to a woman on a dating site will probably not be the start of a wonderful, long lasting, exciting and fulfilling relationship. None of them are great conversation starters. I tried. I'm kind of a trial and error moron that way.

But if you're a woman and want to increase your chances of bagging me (it seems not everyone does for some strange reason) you may at least increase the chances I will contact you by taking note now. Perhaps that special guy you have been waiting for suddenly drops you a line.

Poems

Fuck poems. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing inherently wrong with poems. Like songs there are good and bad ones. And like songs there are ones directed at thirteen year old girls with severe damage to the frontal lobe. These are generally the poems women put on their dating profiles. The kind that the devil puts as texts about roses and violets stupid color in GIF images depicting sad teddy-bears and googly eyed kittens holding hearts. Sorry for the profound language, but they started it. And speaking of teddy-bears...

Teddy-bears

I am a man. I am looking for a woman. I am not looking for a playmate. Wait a minute... or rather... never mind. No matter what you think of when I mention the word "playmate": That is not what I'm looking for. Teddy-bears are for children. And maybe collectors. I'm not feeling at home in any of those categories.

Cats and dogs

I'm a cat person, and I can stand dogs and even become quite fond of them if they have the right personality. But pictures of your... cuuuuuteeeee doggywoggyyyy! Yeeesss hesss a goood doggywoggyyyy! Yes he isssss! ...on you'r profile? Sure: a picture of you playing with your dog, that can send a positive signal. You have a dog and you like it, fine. But five pictures of your dog? Wearing clothes? Sitting in cute places? Seriously?
On the other hand, if you are that serious about your pet: Maybe I should just be thankful for the warning...

"I love to work out"

There is nothing wrong with keeping fit. Quite the opposite. But when that is the only information about a persons interests, that is probably not someone I will have deep conversations with. Yeah but great sex you say? Sure. One time perhaps, but then what? If you are looking for someone to spend a huge amount of time with, perhaps the larger part of your life... I'd like something more.

No description, lots of pictures

This is so sad. Women I've talked to about the messages the get all say the same thing: They get tonnes of mindless messages from men with the imagination of dried bones and the vocabulary of retarded chimpanzees. The women with only pictures must be the saviors of the regular female Internet daters as they draw the attention of the most shallow of the mail bombers. Then again, these male daters probably copy-paste their cheerful greetings, giving them ample time to pester the rest of humanity as well.
It would be nice of dating sites to offer the filter "Only show results with a description" along with the more standardized "Only show results with pictures".
This angers some(in quite the same way as it did me, resulting in this current rant) to the point where they start...

Whining

This one is priceless when combined with the above. But even for women with otherwise good descriptions this is common. Hell, I've done it myself more than once.

I can't really complain about this one because I've heard stories about the staggering portion of mind-boggling stupidities that men in general seem to revel in sending to women. Really guys... shape the hell up. I'ts a scary concept that if you walk down a regular street in a regular city... a overwhelming amount of the seemingly normal guys you meet will become total ass-wipes when they talk to women behind an alias.

Trolling an Internet forum I can understand to some extent but on a dating site... aren't these women actually people you are entertaining the possibility of meeting in real life? Or are there really a bunch of people trolling dating sites just to be assholes?

Duck-face

At first I thought it was some Internet meme. But I've seen them... Don't they have friends that tell them when they do moronic things like that? Or do industrial strength morons naturally flock together, bereaving them of any chance of constructive feedback on their erronious behaviors?

Platitudes

In Sweden there are two words/expressions: "Busig" (Something like "mischievous" but more cute and feminine) and "Skinn på näsan" (Meaning "Mind of her own". Directly translated it becomes "Skin on the nose"). These are so common and has lost their meaning so utterly that I think a good dating site should allow women to tick a box to automatically display a text like "I'm a mischievous girl with a mind of my own" at the start of the presentation.
That way they could also offer men the search filter "Don't show women with platitudes".

"I don't know what to write about myself"

Describing oneself is something people are not generally used to. It can take a while to create a description that fairly accurately describes something that is even close to the wonderfully complex collection of thoughts, dreams, history and environment that is you. But talking at length about how hard it is only describes one or both of two things: your self-knowledge is pretty low and/or you are bad at putting thoughts into writing. None of which are obvious selling points.

Trying to look like you have a kind and caring heart(and failing miserably)

A few years back, an organisation (I think it was the Swedish branch of Ecpat) had a drive where they used TV-ads, billboards and he Internet to raise awareness of child pornography. Among these were a link that was spread with a message like "Help stop child pornography, go here for information" and the URL under it.
This message and link was posted on a lot of presentations during that time.
The sad thing was that after the drive ended: the link was taken down. But quite a few women still had the link on their presentations. And I'm not talking about weeks or months here. I think the last one I found referred to a page that had been removed 4 years ago.
That, to me, does not signal a deep commitment to a cause that is close to your heart.
And besides: If it was ever important to you, I think bringing up the issue with the operator of the dating site and or reporting any illegal activity you witness is a tad more effective. Also: liking pictures on Facebook may not actually core cancer/stop hunger/stop wars. If you truly care that is.

I'll stop whining now

Thank you. I feel better already.

There are a lot of reasons that do make me interested naturally, but the examples above hurts my eyes and make me loose faith in womankind. And that is something I would like to avoid if possible.